never play flip cup with pint glasses
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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