I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
