I heard we made out
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
