so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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