it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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