Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
