we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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