So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
