Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
