my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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