I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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