puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
