He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
