Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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