She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
