why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
