Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
