how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
