remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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