Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
