Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
