The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
