I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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