you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
