You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
