I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
