just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We were destined to go to rehab together
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
