you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
