I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
