Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we're making bets on your personal life
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
