When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
