420 ftw
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
