it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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