need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
