So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
