I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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