I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
