I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
