what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
