Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
