He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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