I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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