So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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