I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
