I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
