I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
