By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I had to cum in my sink.
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