Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
