Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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