She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
