it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
