Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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