He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
