I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
