His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
