you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
