Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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