Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
