1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
