she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
