Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
