I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
