So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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