Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
