actually, I'm a sock model
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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