how can u be prego again
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
