You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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