As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
