my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
