community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
