HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
