I heard we made out
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
