I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
