you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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